Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Life in a wheel
I woke up today with a dreadful feeling of guilt. I’ve seriously wondered if I’ve taken too much pleasure from the excitement of the days before as my family talked and dreamt about our new house. In a very strange way, picturing myself and my family in that beautiful house doesn’t seem right. A voice tells me, ‘true Christians shouldn’t and couldn’t live in a beautiful house. It can’t be God’s will!’ So there I was feeling less Christian, less godly, less righteous, more sinful for desiring what is good and pleasant to the eyes.
Questions came fast and worrying, “what if building the house was all our will and not God’s?”; “what if God wants us to stay at this two bedroom unit indefinitely?”; “what if God wants us to sell the beach block instead and buy a small three bedroom flat?”; “what if we are alone in this venture and had just assumed that God was with us?”; “what if it’s all just wishful thinking?”; “what if this and what if that?” –on and on it went and then came the tears.
Someone had said to me, “Life is a wheel, and it goes ‘round in circles.” If life is a wheel, then if I am feeling on top of the world, it could be that I’m just at the edge before hitting the ground. And because the wheel turns, everything will be okay eventually until that vicious cycle begins again. For every positive event, a negative event inevitably takes place so you dread going up that wheel of life with its’ unrelenting movement. The past haunting you incessantly, old voices condemning, the future seems bleak and taunting. You can never make it right because you have absolutely no control. You are stuck in that wheel of life with no idea if it’s going fast or slow, aimlessly from left to right, and you don’t know the difference between up or down. So what’s the point of living?
It was then I remembered my earlier days. I had the same dreadful feeling of guilt coming home from a day of just happily hanging out with my friends at school when my mother used to say, “Right! You had the time of your life, now it’s time for punishment!” It taught me that I can’t be or shouldn’t be too happy because sadness will surely come next. The happier you are the more miserable you will be; a season of laughter equals to a season of tears. That is the balance and fairness of the wheel of life. God is all to blame for what life is and what life is to become; and I am powerless to do anything about it.
As I lay there crying, I suddenly remembered the time I had said to someone that life moves forward and upwards because it was how I experienced Christ transformed my own life. JC has moved me forward and upwards, stretching me, changing me, enlarging my territory. He made my life beautiful. He made me feel beautiful. There was no guilt, no strings attached, just unconditional love. That love had saved me. That love JC offered was mine. I received it, owned it, and lived it. I didn’t see myself in that wheel of life but on a flight of stairs. I saw myself as a co-creator of my destiny because I was given a free-will when God created me. I had the choice to make, to decide either to walk up or walk down that stairs of life.
The Creator had set a choice before us and tells us to choose life over death, blessings over curses. Why would God set us choices then instruct us which choices to make? Because sadly, people still make the wrong choices.
“I call heaven and earth as witnesses today against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live; that you may love the Lord your God, that you may obey His voice, and that you may cling to Him, for He is your life and the length of your days….”. Deuteronomy 30:19-20 (NIV)
“The thief [Satan] does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I [Jesus] have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly“. John 10:10 (NIV)
Questions came fast and worrying, “what if building the house was all our will and not God’s?”; “what if God wants us to stay at this two bedroom unit indefinitely?”; “what if God wants us to sell the beach block instead and buy a small three bedroom flat?”; “what if we are alone in this venture and had just assumed that God was with us?”; “what if it’s all just wishful thinking?”; “what if this and what if that?” –on and on it went and then came the tears.
Someone had said to me, “Life is a wheel, and it goes ‘round in circles.” If life is a wheel, then if I am feeling on top of the world, it could be that I’m just at the edge before hitting the ground. And because the wheel turns, everything will be okay eventually until that vicious cycle begins again. For every positive event, a negative event inevitably takes place so you dread going up that wheel of life with its’ unrelenting movement. The past haunting you incessantly, old voices condemning, the future seems bleak and taunting. You can never make it right because you have absolutely no control. You are stuck in that wheel of life with no idea if it’s going fast or slow, aimlessly from left to right, and you don’t know the difference between up or down. So what’s the point of living?
It was then I remembered my earlier days. I had the same dreadful feeling of guilt coming home from a day of just happily hanging out with my friends at school when my mother used to say, “Right! You had the time of your life, now it’s time for punishment!” It taught me that I can’t be or shouldn’t be too happy because sadness will surely come next. The happier you are the more miserable you will be; a season of laughter equals to a season of tears. That is the balance and fairness of the wheel of life. God is all to blame for what life is and what life is to become; and I am powerless to do anything about it.
As I lay there crying, I suddenly remembered the time I had said to someone that life moves forward and upwards because it was how I experienced Christ transformed my own life. JC has moved me forward and upwards, stretching me, changing me, enlarging my territory. He made my life beautiful. He made me feel beautiful. There was no guilt, no strings attached, just unconditional love. That love had saved me. That love JC offered was mine. I received it, owned it, and lived it. I didn’t see myself in that wheel of life but on a flight of stairs. I saw myself as a co-creator of my destiny because I was given a free-will when God created me. I had the choice to make, to decide either to walk up or walk down that stairs of life.
The Creator had set a choice before us and tells us to choose life over death, blessings over curses. Why would God set us choices then instruct us which choices to make? Because sadly, people still make the wrong choices.
“I call heaven and earth as witnesses today against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live; that you may love the Lord your God, that you may obey His voice, and that you may cling to Him, for He is your life and the length of your days….”. Deuteronomy 30:19-20 (NIV)
“The thief [Satan] does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I [Jesus] have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly“. John 10:10 (NIV)
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
My other niche
It was not my average Thursday. Perhaps it was an escape from the mundane. For weeks I’ve been anticipating this day, holding up my curiosity for the Coffs Harbour Writers Group, where I must have, in the past, imagined will be a part of my element. I’m not a professional writer but with sometimes an overactive imagination, I needed some form of outlet. Some may celebrate or even frown on the images I seem to just naturally concoct in my head. It could lead to the birth of a fictional book of some sort but without some form of nourishment, my knack for this type of art needed to be reined.
So today I may have found my essential reprieve where opportunities for mind expansion are fostered enhancing creativity and imagination, strengthening the love of writing. I got a boost of that ‘writer’s self-confidence’, encouraged by the passion of the writers from the group, both young and old who seem to take comfort in the camaraderie that have provided them avenue for self-expression.
As I sat there, I was compelled to put my listening skills into practice, attentive to every word spoken, sensing the emotion of the writer as each one reads out courageously somewhat a portion of themselves. And then there is this ‘aha’ moment when I realized the power and life the art of reading brings to a seemingly ordinary word. It must have been the premise behind the film Inkheart as I suddenly recall one if its character named Silver-tongue.
Quietly, I recommit to the practice of self-reflection where I have learned and sustained much of it as a blog convert. It’s my way of bringing clarity and sense to all my contemplations.
So today I may have found my essential reprieve where opportunities for mind expansion are fostered enhancing creativity and imagination, strengthening the love of writing. I got a boost of that ‘writer’s self-confidence’, encouraged by the passion of the writers from the group, both young and old who seem to take comfort in the camaraderie that have provided them avenue for self-expression.
As I sat there, I was compelled to put my listening skills into practice, attentive to every word spoken, sensing the emotion of the writer as each one reads out courageously somewhat a portion of themselves. And then there is this ‘aha’ moment when I realized the power and life the art of reading brings to a seemingly ordinary word. It must have been the premise behind the film Inkheart as I suddenly recall one if its character named Silver-tongue.
Quietly, I recommit to the practice of self-reflection where I have learned and sustained much of it as a blog convert. It’s my way of bringing clarity and sense to all my contemplations.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
The church and I
What am I? Am I a Catholic, a Baptist, Pentecostal, Wesleyan, a Jehovah’s Witness, Uniting, am I a Muslim or an Anglican, perhaps a Seventh Day Adventist? I get asked this question a lot and to which I answer, “None of them, put me anywhere and I’ll be fine.” I think what I wanted to say was, “I don’t think I really belong to any particular group. I was a Catholic at one time then moved on to Pentecostal while attending Baptist then went back to Catholic for a period after which I became a member of the worship group at a Wesleyan, made good friends with Jehovah’s Witnesses, and worked under a Uniting group. I lived in a Muslim country for two seasons, married an Anglican and felt at home with the Seventh Day Adventists”.
Some may find me a well seasoned nomad from a lifetime of ‘church hopping’ (as Pentecostals call it). I’ve been there before, done that before, and heard that all before. Some people may find my way of thinking too radical, blasphemous and almost verging into heresy. They are cautious in taking me because I’m not one to easily conform. I don’t fear commitment, I just don’t want to be fenced and boxed in. I savour both order and my God given free-will.
My father was a convert and eventually became a pastor. He also claims he’s an evangelist. At one time I said I’m going to be an evangelist out of longing for my father’s approval then changed my mind at an early age not to marry a pastor because pastors were usually penniless and some I have witnessed lived in hypocrisy. Still seeking some form of approval from my father at a later age, I followed him from one church to the next. The approval I finally got was the permission to detach myself from my father’s footsteps and something had made it clear what being one with my husband meant.
I also came to know King David’s psalm (Psalm 92:13) about those who are planted in the house of the Lord flourishes. It still boggles me though what the house of the Lord is. Surely it’s not referring to any particular buildings made by human hands, for who could ever contain the greatness of God when the heaven and the heaven of heavens cannot even contain Him! Perhaps God had understood my finite mind and so made it possible for me to grasp this concept and simplified what the house of the Lord is - it is the personhood of Christ. For in JC lives the fullness of the Diety, the Godhead (Colossians 1:15; 2:9-10).
Where is JC? He is where the hurting people are, where many are afraid to go, where poverty is, where prisoners are. He is with the vulnerable, the lost, the rejects of society, the hopeless, the fatherless, the widows, the orphans and the outcast (March 2010, http://jcluvmd.blogspot.com/). It is for this very people why Christ came to earth, and there are still many of them out there.
Someone said "go to that church over there or this church over here and you will find God", but I encountered the reality of Christ from a non-religious book, felt closer to God most when I’m alone surrounded by nature (some Aboriginal people calls it Daddirri (Jan 2011, http://jcluvmd.blogspot.com/). I experience His presence most when I’m writing or when I’m working, aware of His presence inside and outside, when I’m with or without my family. He manifests Himself in numerous ways that are most familiar to me.
So what is church? Church is not so much about the venue but the people itself. It is when we come together with a purpose much like what occurs before Christmas season – a time when as disciples of Christ we visit a total stranger bringing gifts to the forgotten children of the prisoners. It is the planning, the talking, the brainstorming, the sharing and the working together towards that purpose. It’s that fellowship with each person participating, doing their bit to make that purpose come to life. You need to want to be there, to contribute something of yourself be it time, money, talent, skill, passion, insight, or experience. That is church. It’s not to earn brownie points from God or appease His favour for there is nothing more anyone can do to make God love us more because He already does (Romans 8:38-39) and He did it by sacrificing someone that is worth more to Him than to us.
Church is connecting with people struggling through life, hanging on to the hope of Christ’s promises, savouring and remembering His mercies and grace as each one talks about God’s goodness. Church is a group of people who will cry, laugh, pray, and rejoice with you.
Church is but a part of my soul growth and complements what God teaches me every day at home, at work, and at play; during seasons of good and trying times. He uses every means to capture my attention and most of my learning takes place outside the four walls of a church. What would have become of me if I was solely dependent on a once a week church service for nurturing my spirit???
For anyone who is willing to seek with their heart and soul (Jeremiah 29:13, Deuteronomy 4:29) the uncontainable God (2 Chronicles 2:6), He can be found in all things (Colossians 1:15-17) for He fills all creation (Jeremiah 23:24; Psalm 139:7-10).
Some may find me a well seasoned nomad from a lifetime of ‘church hopping’ (as Pentecostals call it). I’ve been there before, done that before, and heard that all before. Some people may find my way of thinking too radical, blasphemous and almost verging into heresy. They are cautious in taking me because I’m not one to easily conform. I don’t fear commitment, I just don’t want to be fenced and boxed in. I savour both order and my God given free-will.
My father was a convert and eventually became a pastor. He also claims he’s an evangelist. At one time I said I’m going to be an evangelist out of longing for my father’s approval then changed my mind at an early age not to marry a pastor because pastors were usually penniless and some I have witnessed lived in hypocrisy. Still seeking some form of approval from my father at a later age, I followed him from one church to the next. The approval I finally got was the permission to detach myself from my father’s footsteps and something had made it clear what being one with my husband meant.
I also came to know King David’s psalm (Psalm 92:13) about those who are planted in the house of the Lord flourishes. It still boggles me though what the house of the Lord is. Surely it’s not referring to any particular buildings made by human hands, for who could ever contain the greatness of God when the heaven and the heaven of heavens cannot even contain Him! Perhaps God had understood my finite mind and so made it possible for me to grasp this concept and simplified what the house of the Lord is - it is the personhood of Christ. For in JC lives the fullness of the Diety, the Godhead (Colossians 1:15; 2:9-10).
Where is JC? He is where the hurting people are, where many are afraid to go, where poverty is, where prisoners are. He is with the vulnerable, the lost, the rejects of society, the hopeless, the fatherless, the widows, the orphans and the outcast (March 2010, http://jcluvmd.blogspot.com/). It is for this very people why Christ came to earth, and there are still many of them out there.
Someone said "go to that church over there or this church over here and you will find God", but I encountered the reality of Christ from a non-religious book, felt closer to God most when I’m alone surrounded by nature (some Aboriginal people calls it Daddirri (Jan 2011, http://jcluvmd.blogspot.com/). I experience His presence most when I’m writing or when I’m working, aware of His presence inside and outside, when I’m with or without my family. He manifests Himself in numerous ways that are most familiar to me.
So what is church? Church is not so much about the venue but the people itself. It is when we come together with a purpose much like what occurs before Christmas season – a time when as disciples of Christ we visit a total stranger bringing gifts to the forgotten children of the prisoners. It is the planning, the talking, the brainstorming, the sharing and the working together towards that purpose. It’s that fellowship with each person participating, doing their bit to make that purpose come to life. You need to want to be there, to contribute something of yourself be it time, money, talent, skill, passion, insight, or experience. That is church. It’s not to earn brownie points from God or appease His favour for there is nothing more anyone can do to make God love us more because He already does (Romans 8:38-39) and He did it by sacrificing someone that is worth more to Him than to us.
Church is connecting with people struggling through life, hanging on to the hope of Christ’s promises, savouring and remembering His mercies and grace as each one talks about God’s goodness. Church is a group of people who will cry, laugh, pray, and rejoice with you.
Church is but a part of my soul growth and complements what God teaches me every day at home, at work, and at play; during seasons of good and trying times. He uses every means to capture my attention and most of my learning takes place outside the four walls of a church. What would have become of me if I was solely dependent on a once a week church service for nurturing my spirit???
For anyone who is willing to seek with their heart and soul (Jeremiah 29:13, Deuteronomy 4:29) the uncontainable God (2 Chronicles 2:6), He can be found in all things (Colossians 1:15-17) for He fills all creation (Jeremiah 23:24; Psalm 139:7-10).
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Friday, July 22, 2011
Our god-ness
I found myself mulling over a conversation I had with a colleague….something about us being ancient beings and within our DNA the unescapable desire to duplicate ourselves.
Take having children for instance. Reasons vary from skewed to absurd. Some have children to obtain money, to have someone pay their debt, to assemble a sports team, for the survival of their own species or propagation of a family name, to have someone look after them when they get old, to meet social expectation or else, accidental.
Someone at sometime had said that we were created to worship God. Worship was defined as ‘to come forward and kiss’ implying the intimate nature of the relationship God intends with His creation. The longing to be loved by a being that bears His resemblance must have driven the Great Creator. It is the same inherent drive within us to seek our likeness in someone else. Isn’t that why we tend to gravitate towards the person who reflects a part of us and we lose interest in someone when we no longer have anything in common? We search for that which would bring us a sense of completeness. And how grand it is when you found someone that complement yourself and have the ability to capture both yourself and the other person into one! It brings that much more security when you can love yourself three times.
I think that the Almighty have taken a great risk creating us… for when He created humanity and breathed into us His Spirit, He was essentially creating a part of Himself - a being with a free will. Didn’t He say we are gods and are children of the Most High (Psalm 82:6)? And so it is pointless to blame Adam and Eve for the sin of humanity. Had Adam and Eve not eaten from the forbidden tree, where else and when else could we have exercised this god-ability called ‘free will’ when there could be no such thing as choosing good from good? But God, despite knowing that the disobedience of two creatures will require Him to sacrifice His own Son, persisted in the creation of humanity. And since God is said to be the source of all that is love and good (Mark 10:18), perhaps He only saw the good that which was in Adam and Eve. Some love and goodness that drove God to even subject Him that had come directly from His bosom to death just to bring the whole world back to where God is able to see His ultimate purpose fulfilled! Such love and goodness that it compels the Creator to turn the heart of His creations from stones into flesh to bring us back into fellowship with Him (Ezekiel 36: 26-27)!
Isn’t it that we take the same risks when we have children? You hope for the good from your kids knowing well the tendency that your children may one day turn their backs on you? So why still have kids knowing the costs? Perhaps because nothing surpasses the elation of hearing your children tell you how much they love you. Isn’t it grand to have someone love you by their own free will without the need to beg? Free-will, both a curse and a blessing, had made it possible for us to experience anger and forgiveness, sadness and joy, hate and love, to give and receive, to be human. We need someone to love and be loved in return – attaining the perfect love, overcoming that fear and sadness of rejection.
I could sense the Creator’s heart towards us as I sense mine towards my two children – a mother’s heart to see them safe, happy, successful, healthy, reaching their potential, achieving their goals, experience and enjoy all that life is, the emotions, the trials and the hardships, make mistakes and learn from it because this is how they get to know themselves, discover things, plan things and be able to make sound decisions in life, live in an adventurous way not just survive. This must be how God wants to see us if He has His choice over our lives. If only we choose to line our will with His......
“Then God said, Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness…So God created man in His own image...male and female He created them. And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostril the breath of life…” Genesis 1: 26, 27; 2:7 (NKJV)
Take having children for instance. Reasons vary from skewed to absurd. Some have children to obtain money, to have someone pay their debt, to assemble a sports team, for the survival of their own species or propagation of a family name, to have someone look after them when they get old, to meet social expectation or else, accidental.
Someone at sometime had said that we were created to worship God. Worship was defined as ‘to come forward and kiss’ implying the intimate nature of the relationship God intends with His creation. The longing to be loved by a being that bears His resemblance must have driven the Great Creator. It is the same inherent drive within us to seek our likeness in someone else. Isn’t that why we tend to gravitate towards the person who reflects a part of us and we lose interest in someone when we no longer have anything in common? We search for that which would bring us a sense of completeness. And how grand it is when you found someone that complement yourself and have the ability to capture both yourself and the other person into one! It brings that much more security when you can love yourself three times.
I think that the Almighty have taken a great risk creating us… for when He created humanity and breathed into us His Spirit, He was essentially creating a part of Himself - a being with a free will. Didn’t He say we are gods and are children of the Most High (Psalm 82:6)? And so it is pointless to blame Adam and Eve for the sin of humanity. Had Adam and Eve not eaten from the forbidden tree, where else and when else could we have exercised this god-ability called ‘free will’ when there could be no such thing as choosing good from good? But God, despite knowing that the disobedience of two creatures will require Him to sacrifice His own Son, persisted in the creation of humanity. And since God is said to be the source of all that is love and good (Mark 10:18), perhaps He only saw the good that which was in Adam and Eve. Some love and goodness that drove God to even subject Him that had come directly from His bosom to death just to bring the whole world back to where God is able to see His ultimate purpose fulfilled! Such love and goodness that it compels the Creator to turn the heart of His creations from stones into flesh to bring us back into fellowship with Him (Ezekiel 36: 26-27)!
Isn’t it that we take the same risks when we have children? You hope for the good from your kids knowing well the tendency that your children may one day turn their backs on you? So why still have kids knowing the costs? Perhaps because nothing surpasses the elation of hearing your children tell you how much they love you. Isn’t it grand to have someone love you by their own free will without the need to beg? Free-will, both a curse and a blessing, had made it possible for us to experience anger and forgiveness, sadness and joy, hate and love, to give and receive, to be human. We need someone to love and be loved in return – attaining the perfect love, overcoming that fear and sadness of rejection.
I could sense the Creator’s heart towards us as I sense mine towards my two children – a mother’s heart to see them safe, happy, successful, healthy, reaching their potential, achieving their goals, experience and enjoy all that life is, the emotions, the trials and the hardships, make mistakes and learn from it because this is how they get to know themselves, discover things, plan things and be able to make sound decisions in life, live in an adventurous way not just survive. This must be how God wants to see us if He has His choice over our lives. If only we choose to line our will with His......
“Then God said, Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness…So God created man in His own image...male and female He created them. And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostril the breath of life…” Genesis 1: 26, 27; 2:7 (NKJV)
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
The Almighty's dilemma
I was coming out of the prison clinic after the end of an afternoon shift. It was eight o’clock at night and I could hear the sharp whip of thunders overhead. There must have been some lightning displays to behold but because of my immense fear of thunder I dared not look up at the night sky. I wished I didn’t have to drive half an hour through the dark highway. I could sense a heavy storm brewing but never expected to experience something that made me question God’s protection.
As I pulled out of the driveway past the prison gate, it started raining. It grew heavy as I drove. I was fighting against the decision to make a run for it before the ‘big one’ comes but it was too late by then to do anything. The rain pelted with a vengeance on the roof of my small 4WD. My wipers working overtime, couldn’t manage the amount of water thrown at it. It’s as if the heaven’s dam had burst open its floodgates and poured its anger on me. The deluge of water on the road made my car alternate between what I felt was floating and skidding. Helplessly, I had to stop but not even that was enough to pacify this great fear which was starting to overcome me. I caught a glimpse of the terrifying lightings through the blanket of water on my windshield. I wished for the safety of my home. I felt so alone and utterly vulnerable with a dreadful sense of one who is about to die. I was suddenly struck by awe of the powerful force of the Almighty on how easy it must be to destroy mankind in His anger and yet the same God is also mindful of the frailty of our human frame. It was right there a moment of humble acknowledgement and gratitude that this life is never my own (Jeremiah 10:23; Proverbs 16:9).
“But He, being full of compassion, forgave their iniquity, and did not destroy them. Yes, many a time He turned His anger away and did not stir up all His wrath; For He remembered that they were but flesh, a breath that passes away and does not come again." Psalm 78:38-39 (NKJV)
"As a father pities his children, so the Lord pities those who fear Him. For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust." Psalm 103:13-14 (NKJV)
As I pulled out of the driveway past the prison gate, it started raining. It grew heavy as I drove. I was fighting against the decision to make a run for it before the ‘big one’ comes but it was too late by then to do anything. The rain pelted with a vengeance on the roof of my small 4WD. My wipers working overtime, couldn’t manage the amount of water thrown at it. It’s as if the heaven’s dam had burst open its floodgates and poured its anger on me. The deluge of water on the road made my car alternate between what I felt was floating and skidding. Helplessly, I had to stop but not even that was enough to pacify this great fear which was starting to overcome me. I caught a glimpse of the terrifying lightings through the blanket of water on my windshield. I wished for the safety of my home. I felt so alone and utterly vulnerable with a dreadful sense of one who is about to die. I was suddenly struck by awe of the powerful force of the Almighty on how easy it must be to destroy mankind in His anger and yet the same God is also mindful of the frailty of our human frame. It was right there a moment of humble acknowledgement and gratitude that this life is never my own (Jeremiah 10:23; Proverbs 16:9).
“But He, being full of compassion, forgave their iniquity, and did not destroy them. Yes, many a time He turned His anger away and did not stir up all His wrath; For He remembered that they were but flesh, a breath that passes away and does not come again." Psalm 78:38-39 (NKJV)
"As a father pities his children, so the Lord pities those who fear Him. For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust." Psalm 103:13-14 (NKJV)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
